Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
