Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
