Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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