If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
