Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
