So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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