why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
