So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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