Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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