eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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