week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
