Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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