I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
foreskin is a definite game changer
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
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