The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
