Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
