He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
