We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
