she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize