you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
