I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
