You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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