I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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