i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
