The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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