just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
