sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
