Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
