I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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