i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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