yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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