btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
