I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize