Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
