May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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