You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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