i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
