then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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