My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
