shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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