I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize