How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
