and you said cock pushups were impossible
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your penis caused this!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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