Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
