He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
