So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
