It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
