Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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