considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
