why didn't you poke me back
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
