Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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