false alarm. still invincible.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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