They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
