You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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