did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize