Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
