I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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