Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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