Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
