while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
