i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
