someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
