I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
