I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
where am i from again
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
