I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
