I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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