Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
