My sheets look like a crime scene.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
