First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Randomize